Hawkeye Therman

Hawkeye has spent the greater part of his life running from a perceived government conspiracy about some shredded documents he saw in his youth. In actuality it was merely a stack of crumpled Taco Bell receipts and magazine subscription cards, but he’s convinced it was a cover up for an international plot against dairy farmers. He enjoys reading, a nice cold soup, and good hiding places with multiple exits.

Wesley Crusher

Wesley is a professed and card-carrying super nerd. His vast comic book collection and aversion to bright sun have kept him indoors. He works as an online chat moderator for several cooking company websites. In high school, he was voted “Mostly Likely to Pass Out From Being Tickled.”

Hooter McGavin

This is Hooter McGavin. He enjoys golf and the legal system. Hooter has been accused of being a bit of a jerk at times, mostly because he is very sensitive about his legs. He hopes to one day run an eyebrow wax manufacturing company.

Haversham Buttlesworth

Haversham has a long, and storied, history as a world-class butler. From royal families to wealthy oil magnates, Haversham has been tasked with secrets no human should ever know. He also secretly loves monster trucks and cheese popcorn.

Fog Charcowicz

Fog has a bit of a balance issue with his high center of gravity. That poor balance coupled with his inner ear problem dashed his dreams of playing in the NBA. He spends his time making origami pandas and as a volunteer fireman. He also like to read books to his dogs.

Bixby R. Mitchell

Bixby received his formal education at Oxford. Despite his openly friendly demeanor and polished manners, his passion is bare knuckle boxing. He once fought a kangaroo for a charity exhibition, winning by knockout in the 4th round, then revived the kangaroo and shared a bottle of single-malt scotch. Bixby also holds 4 titles in mustache competitions.